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LTMR Sponsor Parodies

Welcome to Lunchtime Movie Review’s Archive of Made-Up Sponsors we parody at the beginning of each show. All ads are completely fake, and are intended for entertainment and information purposes only.

The Toxic Avenger

This podcast is brought to you by Tromaville’s Mexican Tacos.

Do you like tacos? I mean, do you really like tacos? Then come to Tromaville’s Mexican Tacos where we stuff anything we can into a finger-fried shell, and slap it on your plate quicker than a nerd in a tutu running from a fitness mob. So, don’t let life stress you out. Snatch up some fresh and crispy Mexican Tacos today.

The Black Hole

This podcast is brought to you by Event Horizon Life Insurance because you might be crazy enough to go in, but you might not be sane enough to come out. Event Horizon Life Insurance, get it before time runs out.

Die Hard

The Nakatomi Corporation is currently renting out office space in its newly renovated Nakatomi plaza. Nakatomi plaza has upgraded its security since “The Incident,” and is pleased to announce the Johnson and Johnson memorial atrium has been finished. In remembrance of former CEO Joe “Say It Ain’t So” Takagi, Nakatomi Plaza does not allow shoes or Germans through its doors. Nakatomi Corporation. We use banks now.

Home Alone

Leaving town for the holidays? Have a lot of nice things in your home; stereos VCRs, maybe even some fine jewelry? Strange cops casing your house during family dinner? There’s a good chance you’re about to get burglarized. McCallister Security Services can help. For a limited time, we are offering our Holiday Vacation Security Package. For a low fee, we will send an eight-year-old boy to keep those burglars away. Our system goes beyond the typical timed lights and locks on your doors. With our system, you can not only taunt the local thugs, you can torture them in all kinds of inventive ways. So, take peace of mind with you on vacation this year. McCallister security services. Ask about our blowtorch upgrade.

Stripes

This podcast is brought to you by the Pom Pom Strip Club and Sports Bar where the women are hot and the mud is cool. Tuesdays is lady MP night.

Time Bandits

This week’s podcast is brought to you by little people. They aren’t just for breakfast anymore. Little people.

The Money Pit

This podcast is brought to you by the Shirk Brothers Flippin’ Seminar

Master contractors, Art and Brad Shirk, are looking to teach a dedicated group of young entrepreneurs in your area how to make a TON of money flipping houses with little to no money down. Art and Brad will teach you the ins and outs of remodeling in just two weeks—guaranteed. Nothing is too big. Nothing is too small at the Shirk Brothers Flippin’ Seminar. Sign up today.

The Return Of The Living Dead

Looking for a place to bury your loved one? Come to Resurrection Cemetery. At Resurrection Cemetery, we provide all the options a grieving family could hope for. We have a crematorium on site for convenience, and a fence to keep those pesky local punks out at night. For those with family members interested science, we even partner with the Uneeda Medical Supply, so your loved one can be useful in death just like they were in life. Resurrection Cemetery where we believe the dead will rise again.

Child’s Play

WDOL, the network responsible for your favorite kids show, Good Guy, brings you The Good Guy Doll. The Good Guy Doll is incredibly human. He has skin, and will even bleed; making you real life blood buddies. Good Guy Dolls are willing to tell you things that no one else is, like, “Your mom’s friend is annoying bitch that has it coming.” Good Guy makes Doris less annoying; makes the Wiggles appear less creepy, and makes Bob the Builder come off as less retarded. How much is this thing anyway? Are you fucking kidding me, $100? Good Guy Doll, because frankly, we’ve run out of ideas, and names for kids’ shit. Sold only in back-alley abortion offices.

An American Werewolf In London

This podcast is brought to you by The Slaughtered Lamb.

Find yourself in the dreary moors of northern England? Stop by The Slaughtered Lamb pub where our patrons change their personalities as much our monsters do.

Want food? WE DON’T GOT IT! Want some coffee? Don’t have that either. Want anything hot? We can’t help you. Remember, stay to the road, and beware of the moon, and please, don’t ask about the pentagram. While there don’t forget to sign up for our dart tournament.