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LTMR Sponsor Parodies

Welcome to Lunchtime Movie Review’s Archive of Made-Up Sponsors we parody at the beginning of each show. All ads are completely fake, and are intended for entertainment and information purposes only.

The Godfather: Part III

Today’s podcast is brought to you by GoFundMe. For when you need a certain character in your film, but refuse to pay for him, GoFundMe. Your fans will thank you.

Under the Rainbow

Follow the yellow brick road to Under the Rainbow—Tinsel Town’s hotel that celebrates diversity in stereo-typical fashion.

Book now, and take advantage of our yellow fever rate which includes free travel insurance and a roll of film for any Japanese nationals.

Due to recent events, all Under the Rainbow guests under 4 feet must be accompanied by an adult over 5 feet tall.

In Hollywood, rainbows mean fun…follow the yellow brick road in come and stay Under the Rainbow.

Weekend at Bernie’s

This podcast is brought to you by Viagra AM. When you absolutely, positively need to keep your body from becoming stiff. Viagra AM; not even your mom will notice.

Labyrinth

Do you have absolutely nowhere to go? Do you like pointless adventures? Like puzzles and riddles; sort of? Then come to the Goblin City. At the Goblin City, you can meet new and almost interesting people. Activities include: Watching the Goblin King Sing. Watching the Goblin King do ballet, we assume, and watching the Goblin King hit on 14-year-old girls. At the Goblin City, there’s magic and dancing, and sometimes, dance magic. The Goblin City—book your trip today.

Rad

This podcast is brought to you by Mongoose Racing because skateboarding is for pussies. Mongoose.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Wanted—nerds. National Aeronautics and Space Administration is currently hiring for smart, but bungling scientists to send a probe deep into space to collect knowledge of the empty vacuum that surrounds Earth with little hope of successful return. Qualifications: PHD in physics or metaphysics. Will consider theology with practical experience in the accidental creation of intelligence. Track record of successful attainment of goals not preferred. Preference will be given to aloof father types. NASA. If you thought the Voyage program was a failure in the 20th century, just wait.

Rain Man

We at Walbrook care about care about your reputation of your family and genetic purity. Send us your retards, idiots, morons, and mongoids. We will never let them out, or share who gave them to us. Wallbrook; protecting your genetic purity. Now accepting blacks and Jews.

The Goonies

This podcast is brought to you by Rosarita Housecleaning Service. Do you need help separating the drugs? Would you like your sexual torture devices cleaned? She likes helping out white people, and they don’t have to speak Spanish. Remember Rosarita Housecleaning Service. She never takes valuables including gemstones. No longer accepting $50 bill.

The Toxic Avenger

This podcast is brought to you by Tromaville’s Mexican Tacos.

Do you like tacos? I mean, do you really like tacos? Then come to Tromaville’s Mexican Tacos where we stuff anything we can into a finger-fried shell, and slap it on your plate quicker than a nerd in a tutu running from a fitness mob. So, don’t let life stress you out. Snatch up some fresh and crispy Mexican Tacos today.

The Black Hole

This podcast is brought to you by Event Horizon Life Insurance because you might be crazy enough to go in, but you might not be sane enough to come out. Event Horizon Life Insurance, get it before time runs out.

Die Hard

The Nakatomi Corporation is currently renting out office space in its newly renovated Nakatomi plaza. Nakatomi plaza has upgraded its security since “The Incident,” and is pleased to announce the Johnson and Johnson memorial atrium has been finished. In remembrance of former CEO Joe “Say It Ain’t So” Takagi, Nakatomi Plaza does not allow shoes or Germans through its doors. Nakatomi Corporation. We use banks now.

Home Alone

Leaving town for the holidays? Have a lot of nice things in your home; stereos VCRs, maybe even some fine jewelry? Strange cops casing your house during family dinner? There’s a good chance you’re about to get burglarized. McCallister Security Services can help. For a limited time, we are offering our Holiday Vacation Security Package. For a low fee, we will send an eight-year-old boy to keep those burglars away. Our system goes beyond the typical timed lights and locks on your doors. With our system, you can not only taunt the local thugs, you can torture them in all kinds of inventive ways. So, take peace of mind with you on vacation this year. McCallister security services. Ask about our blowtorch upgrade.

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