Summaries

Hot Dog… The Movie (1984)

Movie review coming on January 30, 2021

Film and Plot Synopsis

Harkin Banks is an American hot-dogger from Idaho who travels to Squaw Mountain, California to compete in a FIA International Skiing Competition. There he will go pole-to-pole with Rudolph “Rudi” Garmisch, an arrogant but incredibly talented Austrian pro who stops at nothing to win! Along the way, Harkin picks up a teenage runaway named Sunny who comes along for the ride, and winds up falling for the young skier. After Harkin befriends skiing professional Dan O’Callahan and his group of misfit skiers called the Rat Pack, they battle Rudi and his Rudettes on and off the slopes. Throw in Rudi’s bombshell ex-girlfriend who sets her sights on Harkin’s pole, and one final, yet dangerous Chinese Downhill race, and you have one hot dog of a film!

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‘Hot Dog… The Movie’ Summary

The summary below contains spoilers.
Hot Dog... The Movie (1984)In Hot Dog… The Movie, Harkin Banks (Patrick Houser) is a naive young man from Idaho who’s obsessed with skiing. He’s on his way in a beat up old truck to Squaw Valley, California to compete in a FIA International Skiing Competition.

At a gas station in nowheresville, Harkin sees a young woman get tossed out of a van. She’s a 17-year-old runaway named Sunny (Tracy Smith) on her way to San Francisco. Going the same direction, Harkin asks her if she wants a ride. She accepts.

That night at a layover at the Siesta Motel, the two share an awkward bed, but nothing happens…even though Sunny kind of wanted something to happen. The next day on the road, she asks him why he didn’t try anything. He says he was tired, but she says he had his chance. Since she doesn’t need to be in San Fransisco for a while, she asks if she can tag along to Squaw Valley. He says ok, but no funny stuff. He doesn’t put out for everyone he picks up!

They arrive to town and head to the seedy Fantasy Hotel where Harkin has a reservation, but there’s nobody at the front desk. As Harkin presses the buzzer, we see the motel clerk (Crystal Smith) getting busy in the hot tub. She leaves to see who’s at the desk wearing nothing but a towel on her head.

After a not-so-awkward checkin, the two head to their room, and float on the heart-shaped waterbed while porn plays on the TV. The two then head to dinner where Harkin sees the three-time FIA Austrian champion, Rudolph “Rudi” Garmisch (John Patrick Reger) and his groupies. Harkin thinks he’s the best, but Sunny thinks he’s a world-class asshole!

When Harkin introduces himself to Rudi, he ignores him. Sunny pops up and tells Adolph someone’s talking to him. Rudi just walks off thinking he’s too good to talk to some American hick from Idaho, but Sunny gets in his face. Another skiing professional, Dan O’Callahan (David Naughton), breaks it up, and befriends the two.

Harkin and Sunny head to the Lone Star cowboy bar where a wet t-shirt contest is starting. With only a few girls on stage, the MC unzips his pants, and whips out a girl finder (a long black flashlight) from them. He begins shining the light on the ladies in the audience, and goads more into joining the contest. Sunny declines, but she wants to join. You know she does. Gratuitous toplessness ensues as everyone in the bar starts dancing terribly.

Sunny drags Harkin back to the motel room where he whips out his guitar, and begins playing a song. As he sings, Sunny makes herself extra pretty for him. 17-year old girls need love too! She comes out of the bathroom wearing only a sweater, panties, and a smile. She then plops herself next to him, and stares into his dreamy blue eyes as he sings away. Someone loses their virginity that night, but it’s not the under-aged girl.

Next morning, and we are on the ski slopes. Harkin needs to qualify for the competition, and Dan and his buddy, Squirrel Murphy (Frank Koppala), watch his qualifier. They are impressed with Harkin’s skiing ability. Rudi even looks concerned with his ability.

After his run, Harkin talks with Dan who introduces him to the rest of his Rat Pack. Besides Squirrel, there’s Kendo Yamamoto (James Saito), who doesn’t speak English and in real life doesn’t speak Japanese; Fergy (Eric Watson) who’s introduced as a motormouth but says nothing; Michelle (Lynn Wieland), she’s taken, but we won’t see much more from her in the film; and Slasher (George Theobald) who loves loud music on his headphones. Dan invites, and Harkin joins them for some afternoon skiing.

At the top of Squaw Mountain, Harkin meets Rudi’s former girlfriend named Sylvia Fonda (Shannon Tweed). She’s something of a knockout, and her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Dan invites her skiing, but she got a party in the evening that she’s throwing. So she needs to get ready for that instead. When Dan asks her if he can bring anything, she says to bring Harkin. Yamamoto approves!

As Sylvia skis off, Rudi and his merry gang of Rudettes show up, and he runs over Harkin’s skis. This almost starts a fight as Rudi demands they stay on their side; away from him. Dan only says he needs to kiss his ass as Rudi skis away. That leaves Dan’s group to tear up the mountain in an ‘80s skiing montage like Chive TV, but with only slightly better music.

Later at the ski lodge, the group reminisce about past events from years past. As they do, Squaw Mountain promoter, Fader Black (Peter Vogt), arrives to post the qualifying results on the cork board. Harkin, Dan, and his Rat Pack all make it except for Fergie and Dogger. Dan heads back to the office to complain.

Fader says that he had to accept more European skiers because they have more European sponsors, and it’s a business decision. The reason is that no America skier has been able to beat Rudi in 5 years. They ask Dan why he’s so bent out of shape. He’s made it, and he’s been over the hill for the last five years. Shots fired!

That evening, as Harkin drives Sunny to the party, she takes some drugs, and Harkin doesn’t like it. At the party, Silvia greets the two, and Sunny doesn’t like her. So she jealously walks off. Sylvia tells Harking she’s scheduled a private tour of her place later in the night if you know what I mean.

Sunny mingles with the guys there as the Rat Pack hit on women. Squirrel has no game, and has only has sex 2 times in four years which is 2 times more than me in the same timeframe.

Harkin sadly goes out side because he doesn’t really like Sunny flirting with the other men. As he looks out to the water, Sylvia pops out to cheer the boy up. She easily gets a rise out of him, and takes him back to her room to fuck his brains out before the two share a hot tub bath over some Dom Pérignon.

Back downstairs, Dan makes a young woman a roofie colada, and she passes out. Squirrel is pleased because that’s a girl he can take advantage of because apparent rape in the ‘80s is hilarious! Sunny appears again wearing only a towel and finds Harkin banging Sylvia in the hot tub. Even though they aren’t together or anything, she’s mad and hurt, and walks off.

She then wanders into a sauna with Rudi and the Rudettes who offer her beer. Rudi then tries to smooth things over with her over their first meeting. He gives her a massage before feeling her up.

Cut to the next morning on the slopes, and Dan’s dead to the world. He has someone tote him into the group on a rescue stretcher. Instead of really being hurt, he surprises everyone with many six packs of Coors beer!

Rudi and the Rudettes show up, and Rudi lets Harkin know that he had sex with his under-aged girlfriend/not really his girlfriend all night long and into the morning. Harkin is angry, but then Squirrel lets him know that Harkin banged his ex, Sylvia all night! Not pleased, Rudi says he will see everyone later that night, and tells Dan to bring the rookie.

It’s now time for the competition to begin! Ski ballet is the first event, and Slasher is up first. We are treated to an ‘80s montage with all the competitors prancing on by one. When it’s Rudi’s turn, the judge wishes him luck, but he doesn’t need luck. He had an under-aged sunny side up for breakfast. He’s good to go! Rudi’s pretty good though. Lots of cheers all around for him.

Harkin is up next. He’s good too, and Rudi’s concerned. However, the judges don’t give him as good a score as Rudi. Sunny isn’t there to see any of the competition. She’s back at the motel packing. It’s time for her to move on to San Francisco. Harkin shows up to ask her about Rudi. She instead asks him about Sylvia. Both of them have hurt feelings, and these kids just need to tell each other how they feel about the other. Harkin asks her to stay, but she leaves anyway.

That night is the Broom Ball—hockey with brooms and no rules. It’s Rudi and the Rudettes in uniforms versus Dan, Harkin, and the Rat Pack; no uniforms. Time for an ‘80s ice hockey montage with lots of cheating and unnecessary roughness. Sylvia’s there to watch. YAY! After the match, the Rat Pack walks away defeated, but their spirits are up anyhow. Dan takes Harkin alone to Equipment Room #2 where Rudi’s Austrian team’s equipment is stored. The play a little prank where they unscrew a few screws on everyone’s skis.

The next morning on the slopes, Rudi and the Rudettes crash when their skis break as the Rat Pack looks on. We next see a happy Sunny leave a ski shop. Nope, she’s not gone yet. She heads to the bunny slope to learn to ski, but falls. Sylvia, who has been watching shows up to give her a few pointers, but Sunny is having none of it.

It’s competition time again…along with more cheesy ‘80s music! This time it’s Mogul skiing. One heads down after another until it’s Rudi’s turn. He’s the clear leader, but Harkin is next. He does better than Rudi, but the judge’s give him a worse score. The crowd chants bullshit, and a dejected Harkin returns to his motel room alone.

We go back to the competition where Squirrel takes a lift up to the top of the mountain with a young woman. She starts undressing him, and making out with him. She gives him a squirrel job on the ride up. The streak is broken.

Sunny finally shows up to the competition, and it’s for the final event of Aerial skiing. Rudi is in first. Harkin is in second. Heinz Hartman (Mark Vance) is in third. Kendo Yamamoto is in fourth, and in a surprise return to form, Dan O’Callahan is in fifth.

Yamamoto kicks off the montage. Once again Harkin looks better than Rudi, and now these two men must do one more jump, and the winner takes the cup! Rudi’s first, and he’s going to do a Lay Tuck Tuck Triple. He nails it! Smiles all around for the Rudettes.

Harkin is up, and he plans on doing some Kiss-Ass Blaster. Apparently it’s a Twisted Triple jump which nobody’s ever done before. He nails it too! Sunny and the crowd go wild, and they run out to congratulate him. However, the judges give him a lower score than Rudi. Rudi wins the cup.

Back at the ski lodge, Rudi and the Rudettes celebrate with many drinks. Sylvia’s there to join in the fun, but so is Dan, Harkin, Sunny, and the Rat Pack, and they have a shit-ton of snowballs. They let the Austrians have it.

The fight culminates with Dan challenging Rudi to a Chinese Downhill; $40 a man. Winner takes all. Rudi agrees as Yamamoto asks, “What is the fuck this Chinese Downhill?” Good question, Yamamoto. Good question. Apparently, it’s a ski race with a shotgun start, and the first one to the bottom wins—lots of montage, plenty of alcohol, and anything goes rules. As the race begins, the pot stands at $2300. At $40 a head, that’s 57.5 competitors. I’m betting on that half person to get there twice as fast!

Cue the gun, the music, and the montage. They are off. There’s pushing, shoving, and lots of falls. Someone brings a smoke screen attached to their helmet because why not. That guy eventually flies into a tree, and we are back to the montage. So many bodies fly, you don’t know who’s whom, but it looks like more than 57 people. Rudi and Harkin fight it out in the lead until Harkin wins. He gets the girl, the money, and the trophy. Smiles all around except for Rudi who throws down his helmet as the film ends.

Cue the final ‘80s montage.

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