THE NUMBER 2 REVIEW EPISODE #19
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The Golden Child 30-Second Summary
Arguably one of the most famous of actors in Hollywood who has had a career of more horrific turkeys than most but remains popular mostly due to his 80’s legacy.
Right in the middle of his first surge of super-stardom, Eddie Murphy plays Chandler Jarrell, a detective specializing in missing children in The Golden Child, the 1986 box office blockbuster that very few people actually liked.
Opening in present day Tibet we see a chrome-dome kid being kidnapped from his Himalayan hideaway by a trio of strange henchmen led by well dressed Charles Dance but not before the kid brings a bird back to life which actually follows him across the globe.
Back in L.A Chandler goes about his business nailing pictures to posts in the streets and appearing on talk back television searching for a lost girl until he is approached by the gorgeous Charlotte Lewis who actually appeared in an worse film ‘Roman Polanski’s Pirates’ released the same year.
Better known as Kee Nang, she talks Chandler into teaming up to find her missing Buddhist Golden Child and thus the fun begins including sleeping together.
Chasing, fighting and spiritual scenes all rolled into one even one including a rattlesnake lady philosopher while not to mention product placement at a premium when a Pepsi can dances to the tune of puttin on the ritz.
In an attempt at pure hilarity Chandler has to complete a booby-trapped chamber of horrors holding a glass of water not spilling a drop only to figure out when surrounded by fire all he has to do is drink it to put the flames out.
As Murphy mugs the screen every second of screen time he can character development scenes are almost non-existent but at least we see the reunion of James Hong and Victor Wong together again direct from Big Trouble in Little China, released the same years as this.
The lameness continues when trekking back to Tibet in order to confiscate an enchanted sacred dagger while fighting a stop motion demon courtesy of Industrial Light and Magic the same technological wizards who thought up Jeffrey Jones turning into an electrical beast in Howard the Duck, yes in the same year as this.
It all ends with The Golden Child now out of his traditional robes into 80’s street wear holding hands with Charlotte and Eddie all practically skipping together over a grassy Los Angeles knoll discussing going back to Nepal.
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