Saturday the 14th Movie Summary
In 1981, one of the most vile, disgusting, films ever made was brought to the big screen. This film warned us early on that “It gets bad on Friday the 13th, but it gets worse on Saturday the 14th.” Believe me; it doesn’t get much worse than Howard R. Cohen’s horror/comedy Saturday the 14th.
John and Mary portrayed here by real life spouses Richard (please don’t call me “Big Dick”) Benjamin and Paula Prentiss, are a happily married couple who inherit a cursed house in Eerie, PA. John and Mary decide to move into this “fixer upper” with their two children, Debbie and Billy, despite its known curse. SIDE BAR: (Debbie is portrayed by LTMR favorite, Kari Michaelsen. Kari is the text book definition of “80’s Hot.” Her bathtub scene in this film, although frustrating, is quite memorable.) Shortly after they move in, Billy finds and leafs through the ancient Book of Evil. Just by looking at the books pictures, grotesque monsters, which reminded of rejects from the Mos Eisley Cantina scene in Star Wars, magically escape into the real world and try to kill off everyone in sight.
Outside of the house, two vampires named Waldemar and Yolanda, who have been married for an extraordinary 312 years, try their hardest to sink their teeth into the Book of Evil and its supernatural powers. They infiltrate the cursed house by shape shifting into vampire owls(?), but have no luck in getting their claws on the book. That is until they enlist Billy to help them battle the monsters and Van Helsing, the evil exterminator, who wants to use the book to take over the world.
The ultimate battle between good and evil goes down at John and Mary’s (cursed) house warming party, where the monsters kill of all of the guests. Billy, along with the help of the vampire couple, has a mystical tug of war with Van Helsing over the book, in the most anticlimactic battle these eyes have ever seen. So anticlimactic that Van Heling is ultimately destroyed by merely holding onto the book that he so desperately tried to get his hands on. (A hint of irony, I guess.) In the end John, Mary, (the 80’s hot) Debbie, and Billy live happily ever after, across the street form Waldemar and Yolana, who now own the cursed house.
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