Time Bandits Summary with Spoilers Below
In the 1981 world of Great Britain, people prize the latest and greatest gadgets more than family interaction. We meet Kevin – an eleven-year old boy who is a huge fan of all things history, especially Ancient Greece.
One night, a knight in shining armor awakens Kevin in his bedroom, and runs off into a forest. Intrigued by this bit of fun, Kevin asks to go to bed early the next night in hopes of something else happening. This time, a group of sexy dwarves invade his room.
The guys spook themselves when they mistake Kevin’s flashlight for the aura of the All Mighty himself; whom they are running from, because they stole his precious map in hopes of stealing from the richest people in history. They relax a bit when they realize their mistake, and the person at the end of the light is a young boy. They then push one of the walls to Kevin’s room down a long corridor. The Supreme Being appears and takes chase. The corridor ends, and the guys, along with Kevin, fall into the black depths of time and space.
Elsewhere, Evil watches the dwarves from a distance with hopes of stealing the map for himself. Then, we will recreate the world in his own image…a wet world covered in plastic bags.
Kevin and his pint-sized pals popup throughout history by visiting a whimsical Napoleon and a charming Robin Hood, but they then become separated in his forest. Kevin then meets the dreamy King of Mycenae, and falls in love with him—much to the chagrin of his queen who despises the boy. The dwarves finally catch up to Kevin, and rob the king of his valuables. They make Kevin come with them. They next find themselves on the Titanic right before it misses that left turn at Albuquerque, and sinks from the iceberg.
Evil watched the whole time, and as the ship falls into the icy water, he uses a Jedi mind trick to get the dwarves to search for “THE MOST FABULOUS OBJECT IN THE WORLD!” located inside his insidious lair. Here, the group survives an ogre with a back problem, and a giant who wears their ship as a hat. They make their way across an arid land, but run face first into an invisible barrier. Thinking they can go no further, the group argues and fights until one of them accidentally shatters the invisible barrier, and reveals Evil’s castle behind it.
Inside, Evil tricks them all into believing they have won “THE MOST FABULOUS OBJECT IN THE WORLD,” and steals the map from them. He then imprisons them in a suspended cage, then leaves to begin his evil takeover of the world. They of course are able to escape, and get help while Kevin sets up a diversion.
Cowboys, knights, archers, a jet and a tank make up the calvary, but nothing can defeat Evil. When all is lost, the Supreme Being appears and lays the smack down. Of course, the dwarves ask for forgiveness for stealing the map, but the Supreme let them steal it to test Evil. He orders them to clean everything up, and properly dispose of the debris so no harm comes to anyone else.
They leave Kevin behind, and he quickly finds himself back home in his bed…with his house on fire. He escapes to find his parents worry more about their precious gadgets than his safety. Inside the toaster is a missed piece of Evil. The parents touch it, and are immediately incinerated; leaving Kevin without a family. He has nothing but his memories, and a few photos he took on his journey – one of which is a photo of the map in his hands. Will he use it to travel time by himself? Will he go back to Mycenae with his newly adopted father? We will never know. The movie ends with the camera panning away from the world and the Supreme Being rolling up the map.